A questioning of my life..

Well, first off: Hello, it’s been so long!

Today, I’m here to vent about something that has been happening for a while in my “relationship” with another human. By all means PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE, because at this point I’m so unsure as to what to do. 

It all started in about 2010, when I was first taking Japanese at Metro in Denver. Not a bad class, just didn’t really learn all that much due to the teacher being an older fellow and wanting to talk about his adventures, rather than teach. I met a girl who was around my age, and seemed like a great person to just chat with about Japanese culture. It turned out she was dating a Japanese man, and was very happy with all the things he spoiled her with. 

We were fast friends, spending a good amount of time together, and going to NanDesuKan (1 of 2 anime conventions in Colorado) in September every year. Everything was great, we’d have fun and then we’d part ways. I tried keeping in touch with her more often than seeing her only at school, but it was tricky because neither of us drove (despite us both being 18) 

About a year passes, and I get a text from her talking about how she’s breaking up with her boyfriend because “he’s just not there for [her] and only cares about his job” and all I can say is that it is her choice to want to move on, but I think it’s sort of sad because this guy was very much in love with her, and seemed so nice. He did what he could, coming here from Japan at least once every year to spend two weeks with her. But alas, it wasn’t enough. 

Then our connection falls dead again, until around September. Looks like we’re going to NDK again, and she has loads to tell me. She has a new boyfriend, she loves that he’s so dominating, she’s all about his astrophysics and she’s even thinking of attempting to live with him. The thing is her parents are controlling as all hell. And now she wants me to lie for her…which is sort of whatever to me, because it’s not like they won’t catch on, after all I only see her like once a year. She’ll be caught. No big deal. 

That’s probably around the time things started getting out of hand….I got multiple texts from her saying that she didn’t want to stay locked in his house anymore, and that she needed an excuse to leave. I told her it would be better to call the cops, or her parents, considering I’m just a girl with a thin build and a loud voice. What was I to do? She assured me nothing was wrong physically, she just was having panic attacks. I’d known she was on anxiety medications so I would tell her I was on my way, and then she’d tell me “never mind”. This went on for about 5 weeks…and I seriously didn’t know what to do. 

After these incidents, I get a text from her saying that I should come visit her at the hospital. Turns out, she tried to OD on her meds, and wound up in the psych ward. I drove an hour (finally had a car) out to see her to ask her questions about the motives, and all she could tell me was “He said he wouldn’t care, but I knew he would.” Needless to say, I was furious that she was pulling this over a guy. I got his number and gave him a good chunk of my thoughts on this situation, and what he ought to do. No response. 

She’s released, and now on anti-depressants, and begins telling me that her mother and father have voiced their distaste for ever having given birth to her, and she doesn’t know what to do. I tell her to stand up for herself, and call the cops or something. She shrinks away again. The next set of messages are about her parents abusing her. I again ask why she hasn’t gotten the cops involved. “They pay for everything I have, I still live with them…what kind of  collateral do I have?” I can hardly believe what she’s saying. 

Nowadays, it’s a text or 7 about how she needs alcohol and that she’ll pay me to buy, and drive it straight to her. I live a good 26 miles away, and round trip is 52 miles of me on an expressway….not fun. But I do it the first couple of times, thinking maybe I’ll get her to come out, and we’ll do something that keeps her from the bottle. I’m overly optimistic…..

She has paid me sums of 50-150 dollars for me to buy her a bottle of liquor that only costs $22…I’m in disbelief. “It’s my parent’s money, and it’s my card in my name, I’ll do as I please.” I’m still not so sure. I think the worst of this whole thing is that she always texts me afterwards with “You’re the best friend ever! <3” and I just want to puke…She’s really getting out of hand right now too. 

I just don’t know what to do, because I have this strong feeling that if I’m out of her life, she’s going to keep on this downward spiral, and eventually end up dead. It’s also hard, because she shuts me out, and if I’m trying to help her, she simply brushes it off with “I’m going to be fine.” 

What can I do to help her sit better with herself? What should I do in order to show her that I’m not feeling like the friend she thinks I am…? I’ve never experienced something/someone which was so unusual…I can barely describe it, because I’m so confused. Any thoughts?

breezycrossing:


THANK YOU FOR 1,500 FOLLOWERS!!!
as a thank you to you all, i’m finally holding a giveaway!!!
by entering, you have the chance to win any one of the 5 plushies in the image, as well as more prizes!!!
PRIZES:
First Place: 
one of the plushies showed in the image
200,000 bells in-game (New Leaf)
your choice of any 2 fortune cookie prizes shown here
a basket with 6 of any in-game fruit
Second Place:
100,000 bells in-game
your choice of any fortune cookie prize shown here
a basket with 6 of any in-game fruit
Third Place:
50,000 bells in-game
your choice of any fortune cookie prize shown here
a basket with 6 of any in-game fruit
RULES:
you do not have to be following me
one like and one reblog (this will count as two entries)
must reply within one week if you win a place
you must have new leaf within one week of winning a place
no giveaway blogs or sideblogs please!
GIVEAWAY ENDS JUNE 30th
for any questions regarding the giveaway, please contact me here!
thank you and good luck!!!  

breezycrossing:

THANK YOU FOR 1,500 FOLLOWERS!!!

as a thank you to you all, i’m finally holding a giveaway!!!

by entering, you have the chance to win any one of the 5 plushies in the image, as well as more prizes!!!

PRIZES:

First Place: 

  • one of the plushies showed in the image
  • 200,000 bells in-game (New Leaf)
  • your choice of any 2 fortune cookie prizes shown here
  • a basket with 6 of any in-game fruit

Second Place:

  • 100,000 bells in-game
  • your choice of any fortune cookie prize shown here
  • a basket with 6 of any in-game fruit

Third Place:

  • 50,000 bells in-game
  • your choice of any fortune cookie prize shown here
  • a basket with 6 of any in-game fruit

RULES:

  • you do not have to be following me
  • one like and one reblog (this will count as two entries)
  • must reply within one week if you win a place
  • you must have new leaf within one week of winning a place
  • no giveaway blogs or sideblogs please!

GIVEAWAY ENDS JUNE 30th

for any questions regarding the giveaway, please contact me here!

thank you and good luck!!!  

Uhhhh drunk.

Tumblr, I’m lonely and drunk, ask me stupid questions.

soloontherocks:

vestara:

starwarsgroup:

No, this is a variation on a circle parry and a counter circle parry. Both are commonly taught in French and Italian style foil fencing.
A circle parry is when you avoid your opponents blade by moving your blade around theirs in a circle. A counter circle parry is circling around your opponents circle so that they can’t get their blade past to stab you.
When two fencers know each other well, this often happens. It becomes a game of chicken, it only ends when someone is willing to risk leaving an opening so that they can launch a different attack.
The foil version of this happens at least once a practice on my college fencing team. The only difference is that the blades are horizontal rather than diagonal.

Bolded for sadness

Friendly reminder that the man who choreographed the Star Wars saber fights is called “The Swordsmaster” for a reason.
Also, friendly reminder that MY FEELS HURT.


We just watched this the other day and thought &#8220;really George Lucas? How artistic&#8230;smh&#8221;

soloontherocks:

vestara:

starwarsgroup:

No, this is a variation on a circle parry and a counter circle parry. Both are commonly taught in French and Italian style foil fencing.

A circle parry is when you avoid your opponents blade by moving your blade around theirs in a circle. A counter circle parry is circling around your opponents circle so that they can’t get their blade past to stab you.

When two fencers know each other well, this often happens. It becomes a game of chicken, it only ends when someone is willing to risk leaving an opening so that they can launch a different attack.

The foil version of this happens at least once a practice on my college fencing team. The only difference is that the blades are horizontal rather than diagonal.

Bolded for sadness

Friendly reminder that the man who choreographed the Star Wars saber fights is called “The Swordsmaster” for a reason.

Also, friendly reminder that MY FEELS HURT.

We just watched this the other day and thought “really George Lucas? How artistic…smh”

NO STAHP!

IT’S TOO COLD! I WANT SPRING!! SNOW GO AWAY!!!

-makes self tea- fine…if this is how it’s going to be…

UNACCEPTABLE
needle felted him in about two hours, today.

UNACCEPTABLE
needle felted him in about two hours, today.

Coming along, slowly but surely. Rooting is friggin hard, lucky I found some pliers now my teeth don’t hurt from yanking the needle out of her head.

Coming along, slowly but surely. Rooting is friggin hard, lucky I found some pliers now my teeth don’t hurt from yanking the needle out of her head.

Getting ready for my first root job!

Getting ready for my first root job!

A breakdown

I love my boyfriend, honestly, with every fiber of  my being. And it’s more than obvious to me that he feels the same way. He mentions getting married all the time nowadays, which is super exciting to me, but then that terrible voice in my head comes up and reminds me of the financial issues we’re already facing.

Lately I’ve been scheduled less and less hours which doesn’t help at all, and it’s really starting to get me questioning on some of the things my boyfriend says at times.

Take for example a typical morning here in our apartment. I wake up to him being super dorky and cheesy, and he’s laughing and smiling, and saying he loves me. But as soon as I mention my lack of money, he sort of freaks out. I know he was hoping to use the money he makes from his job on things he wants (mainly a new graphics card, and some games) but it’s like if it comes to trying to help me stay stable, he treats me like a ball and chain.

And it’s instant when he does it. He gets huffy, and I try and think of ways that I don’t have to get him involved, but it’s getting harder and harder. I’ve been looking for a second job, or a better paying one, but I’ve been turned down because of over and under qualification.

I don’t care if I’m overqualified for a waitress position, I just need to make money! I don’t see why a Master’s degree in business technology is going to make me a better Customer service representative for Xerox.

I’m trying to keep positive, and stay afloat in this society that feeds off of money. I’m just losing hope that I’ll ever be able to do so….